All the Love I need
by Erestory
Summary: Spike muses over his love life and realizes something important. 0ne-shot


_*I own nothing.*_

Spike stared at the stars and smoked his last fag for the night and thought of the hell of a day he had. First a bunch of orgs takes a rampage thru town and Spike, Xander and Willow had to deal with it. Then Buffy came back from her visit to LA and his great poof of a sire followed with her. After an argument with her Angel decided to play 'Kick the Spike'. Then Dawn tries to sneak out causing a hell of a fight between him, Buffy, Angel and Dawn. But the worse part was watching Buffy and Angel make up and witnessing the love they shared.

Love. That was all he ever really wanted in his 126 years. Cecily was the first women he ever loved. She drew him in like a moth to a fly with her inflamed her and her honey chocolate eyes. Her laughter was like wind chimes in the wind and she carried warmth that could take you in and warm you on a chilly night. He fell hard and fast for her letting his heart do all the thinking. He longed for her, made poetry in her honor and offered his heart on a silver platter only for her to crush it beneath her satin heels. She claimed he was 'beneath her'. His first heartbreak.

While at his lowest he was approached by a dark angel. One would think he would learn, that he wouldn't make the same mistake twice. When this dark goddess approached him in London's alley, he though that his humble prayers have been answered. She saw something in him that no one else could see. When she offered him something that was beyond him he grasped it. Grasped her. She healed the heart that Cecily had broken and made him a new man. She gave him eternity and he gave her his heart only to be hurt when she continued to sleep with Angelus. For 100 years they traveled alone and he loved and cared for her even when she stepped out with other creatures. He restored her and saved her only for Dru to leave him for a chaos demon. It felt like she took his heart and ate it.

He blamed Buffy. If she never slept with Angel he wouldn't have turned into Angelus. Dru wouldn't have become attached to him again and tried to destroy the world. Spike wouldn't have made a deal with slayer and betrayed him. Spike wouldn't have lost Dru and he wanted to make the slayer pay. Spike wanted to feel her blood going down his throat. Add her to the list of slayers he killed. He tried to kill her so many times only to fail and get the crap beat out of him. She was tougher then him, tougher then he could ever be. He became obsessed with her. He followed her, watched her and studied her to the point he could pinpoint her laugh in a crowd of thousand. And before he knew it BAM! He was hocked again. But she saw the fangs not the man. Spike became an ally and a friend but not a lover. When she died to close the portal he felt like Buffy had taken his heart to the grave with her. When she came back she brought life with her. He gave Buffy his body, his love, hopes, dreams and knew she loved him. But she used him and left him high and dry. He tried to show her, to help her understand but she refused. Spike got a bloody _soul_ and she still didn't love him. Trusted him but didn't love him. He doubts he will fully recover.

Hearing a noise brought Spike thought out of memory lane. He turned around to see his nibblet running towards him calling his name. Dawn. She loved him despite him being a vampire. In her eyes he was simple Spike, her own Big Bad. He wasn't beneath her or an evil vampire. He was the friend she watched passions with, the big bad that kept the monsters away, and the one who laughs at her food concoctions. The babysitter who let her watch whatever she wanted but didn't let her stay up late. The man who tried to save her and protected her when her sister fell. Spike was her diary and closest friend. And Spike hurt Dawn when he tried to rape her sister but she forgave him. Spike swore to never hurt her again and so far he kept his promise. Finally she reached him and her eyes held more light then the stars and showed love stronger then any of cupid's arrows. Dawn loved him. And not because he was the worst vampire in town like he was for Dru or a big fluffy puppy with bad teeth like Angel for Buffy. Dawn had a pure innocent love one held for a friend, brother, and a father. Dawn hugged him with her face pink from her run and her eyes big, blue and bright.

"I love you, Spike."

"I love you too, little bit."

Dawn loved him for being Spike. As he hugged her back Spike realized this was all the love he needed.


End file.
